NORTHERNERS

[The Northern Duttoneer's]

Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day resting. He enquired of God, 'Where have you been?' 

God pointed downwards through the clouds. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?' 

'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.' 

'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused. 

God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth. 'For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot, and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people.' 

God continued, pointing to the different countries. 

This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.' 

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and asked, 'What's that?' 

'Ah,' said God. That's the North of England, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful people, seven Premiership football teams in the North West alone, and many impressive cities; it is the home of the world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians. The people from the North of England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth.' 

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, 'What about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!' 

God replied very wisely, 'Wait till you see the bunch I'm putting down South!

[Adrian Southgate]

In the pie Martin, self contained meal with a lid.

[Adrian Southgate]

Nah, found out that evolution had progressed better up here than it had down south...

[1midz0wwbl268]

Ade, how can eating your dinner out of a bowl show  evolution has moved foreward? , or was that the use of a knife and fork you were on about?  down here, we have things called plates, i would understand it of the  pixies, they still eat dinner and pudding at the same time in a pastry case, using their fingers,havnt even worked out what a knife and fork are yet,  so having mastered a  knife and fork, the next step has to be separating your food out on a plate,   see evolution has progressed further down south.

[Dave Taylor]

Pie and liquor is that food or something the dog coughed up?
Martin I am sorry mate, softy south, you lot even complain about it raining. Man up and get on with it, it rains everyday up North do you hear us complain.
Eating out of a bowl means our tea floats when the rain is really heavy.

[Adrian Southgate]

:-)   

It wasn't my Dinner.     

I had my dinner from a plate, with a knife and fork, as did most of the group.     

Its not a bowl, its a dish, a pie dish to be exact, a receptacle evolved to meet the exact requirements of 'the pie'. 

As I stated previously, evolution has progressed better up here than it has down south.

[1midz0wwbl268]

in that case please explain why not that many years ago, when i used to smoke, i was staying in darkest Yorkshire, a place called Watter, when i got out my lighter, and lit up the locals, started to call  witchcraft, and wanted to duck me in the pond  , Later i caught a train to pickering, and they were so behind the times they still used steam to power it.long after everyone else had discovered the internal combustion engine. :)))))

[Adrian Southgate]

Obviously the strong beer had affected both your'e hearing and eyesight...

[1midz0wwbl268]

Strong beer, , strong, splutter beer!!  dirty dish water more like,  i dont know what it was they tried to poison me  with, but it didnt work,  do you know what the first thing i did when i passed the border back into  the south was, had a propper pint  of good southern beer.

 Actually, i was  op north on business, looking after one of the railway i worked for then's  engines that was  down there for a gala,  and i was staying with one of the drivers and his wife, and i must say , one of the nicest people i had met, and the rest of the crews  were really great, we all went for a meal one night  and  made some very good friends, later, we has an engine that was going to run a rail tour, in the south, come down to us to be based on our line in between the tours because we had a conection with the main line, anyway, some of the support crew were people i had met whilst down in yorkshire, and after finishing running one saturday evening some of us were staying the night, and went out to our local railway pub, where we used to go, to eat, and needless to say, they looked rather the worse for wear the following day, whilst those of us myself included were up at 6  to prep the engines, they surfaced about 8, feeling rather fragile:))

[Adrian Southgate]

The Australians threw me out in 1983...

[1midz0wwbl268]

was it you that killed skippy then?   or did you nick rolf harris's didgerydo, or didnt you meet the criteria, ie no prison record