NORTHERNERS

[The Northern Duttoneer's]

Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day resting. He enquired of God, 'Where have you been?' 

God pointed downwards through the clouds. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?' 

'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.' 

'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused. 

God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth. 'For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot, and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people.' 

God continued, pointing to the different countries. 

This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.' 

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and asked, 'What's that?' 

'Ah,' said God. That's the North of England, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful people, seven Premiership football teams in the North West alone, and many impressive cities; it is the home of the world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians. The people from the North of England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth.' 

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, 'What about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!' 

God replied very wisely, 'Wait till you see the bunch I'm putting down South!

[Dave Thomas]

Nice one:-)

[1midz0wwbl268]

So what did God put down south?  well he thought, i need a place where i can put all the self serving lieing cheating scum of the earth, i know i will put them in that bit there, one square mile will do, and an overflow just there, we will call it london, and that overflow, we will call it parliment, But my lord asked Michael, what is parliment, ah, its my best weeze yet, laughed the lord, i will make them think they actually run the place, but you see, that bit there, just off the edge of that cold bit, yes , lord, well thats going to become china, and in my plan, they will take over that bit, but lord, exclaimed Michael, you are against fighting, ah, replied god, i will give them the riches ,to do it peacefully , but lord, it sounds like you have it all mapped out, but it has to end one day, you said life can not be  everlasting,, ah, smiled god, well you see that bit, well ive arranged for that bit to bring it all about, Michael looked hard at the name that arose out of the clouds, B,O, L,T,O,N, and the anti christ will arise from there, he will bring forth death and destruction  on charriots of fire , his name, lord, his name, oh i havnt thought about that yet, lets see, i will call him Adrian

[Paul Sheridan]

He may have given the Notherners, beautiful people, seven Premiership football teams, and many impressive cities; the home of the world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians.... But what he gave the Southerners was a much greater share of the warmth and light of the sun ....... and in his wisdom he bestowed upon the South the great phenomanon that is DUTTON.   

 

[1midz0wwbl268]

And now the Dutton prayer

Our lord who are in Worthing, Dutton be  thy name, thy why will be done, thy car be driven in yorkshire as it is in sussex, Give us this day of daily fuel, and protect us from speed traps

Protect us from traffic wardens and deliver us from breakdowns, for thine is the pheaton, the  melos the leggera for ever and ever 

                                                   Amen 

(To any church goer's out there, no insult intended)

[Dave Taylor]

The path of the righteous Duttoneers is beset on all side by breakdown and bits falling off and the tyranny of the speed keepers.

Blessed is he who, in the name of The Northern Duttoneers, shephards the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly the keeper and finder of lost Dutton's.

And he will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to register another make as a Dutton.

And you will know his name is Adrian when he lay's down his vengeance upon you.

All hail the one true Master and chant his name, Adrian, Adrian, Adrian...

[1midz0wwbl268]

No Stephen, your on the right side, its began, the anti christ is amoungst us, he has already started gathering his followers if the above post is anything to go by 

[Dave Taylor]

One job we gave you Southerners, be the Gatekeepers, but no too busy playing in the sun and let allsorts in.

[1midz0wwbl268]

But we were watching, honestly we were, they came in through the back door , you were too busy saying hail Adrian to check your back door and left it wide open .

[Adrian Southgate]

Here's one for you southerners to chew on... pardon the pun.

Referred to by the waitress as a 'desparate dan pie', this is how we do pies 'oop nurth'

Mr Kerry's tea before....

 

And after...

[James Doulton]

That's a good pie, proper stuff.

[Big Vern]

Steady on I don't think even I could eat a pie that big :-o

[1midz0wwbl268]

Come on BV, Wheres your sence of adventure?? 

wheres the 2 veg? , no spuds, veg or gravy , sorry but you cant have any pie without new potatoes with parsley butter, and petit poir  with carroy battons